question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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