Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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