go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
