u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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