My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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