then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
