Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
