OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
