i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
