sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
