You smell like a Billy Joel song
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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