Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
