I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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