office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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