The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
