The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
