A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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