I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
