No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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