she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
