we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My balls are so social today.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
