then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
