You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
