Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
