Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
