Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
