The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
