I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
