WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
