so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
