just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
