rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
