You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
