You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
