i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
