i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
