When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
