Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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