im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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