its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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