I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
