i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
