i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
