I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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