I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
