I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
