Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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