so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
