well you can't waste a boner
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
