I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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