I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Someone shattered a urinal.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
