Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
