We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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