By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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