the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize