In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place