Please, let me fuck your mom
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.