They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.