Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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