I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
