Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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