party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
