We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We need to rekindle our bromance
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
