Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Found your dick twin last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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